Well first this isn't really a item of sorts it's just a chunk of metal, a chunk of metal I may add that isn't even good at being metal as it bloody melts at room temperature. But that's what makes it awesome literally it melts in your fucking hand it's like ice cream but instead of being sweet it's for some fucking reason used in superconductors. Seeing as it melts in your hand it must have been pretty easy to get shaped for the conductor fuck using big machinery just get a sod load of kids in and shape it with your hands like silly putty. But also to make it solidify you just have to put it in a plate or in the fridge.
This thing basically the lazy fuckers fish tank but much cooler. It's a glass ball full of water but also small shrimp and seaweed which never have to be fed. You get to see the things inside grow while they are oblivious to the outside world ...the lucky fuckers. I myself really want one of these there's something about it which is cool and also the fact I love having fish but I always forget to feed the little buggers so this would suit me fine. Though be warned I have looked at prices these things cost round £120 at minimum.....So anyone with £120 lying around contact The Human Jester at my email address as I can put it to good use.
Companion Cube Cookie Jar
All I shall say if this thing says "I love you" every time you got a cookie out all the lonely people would suddenly become morbidly obese.
Combat Garden Gnomes
Okay this one isn't really geeky but their sodding awesome. Screw the normal gnomes with their fishing rods and walking sticks these ones are armed with AK-47s, RPGs and Grenades are much better. First it would scare the shit out of any dog that got into your garden and it means you can turn your front lawn into a much more cheery version of Afghanistan.
Bubble Wrap Calender
Well it's safe to say I don't have to say much about this. It's a calender which you pop the bubble for the day when you get to it. I can safely say if I had one it would last all of 2 seconds as literally once I pop I just can't stop......
Okay that is all now for this post if you want to know where to buy these things just comment below and I will tell you. Also a small stand up gig update I have a Gong show at the Glee Club in Nottingham on March 3rd if you want to come along. One final bit if anyone ever feels like buying me a gift to I don't know for possibly providing them with the great amusement that is this blog the Ecosphere is the way to go.......please
The Human Jester