tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77435038482838430742024-03-13T20:21:10.585-07:00The Human Jester: Life, comedy and rantsA blog about my experiences starting out as a stand up comedian with all the good and bad bits.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-43814656350106212372012-07-08T07:36:00.002-07:002012-07-08T07:36:43.520-07:00Peacock and Gamble: I saw one of them nude....Well hello there today I bring you my badly written tale of my experience of seeing Peacock and Gamble's Edinburgh preview. Be warned this post will mention a bit of penis as well as the usual swearing and bad grammar. I will let you decide which is the more annoying of the 3.<br />
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Well any way earlier this week I went to a small club in Cardiff to see Peacock and Gamble's Edinburgh TV show "We don't even want to be on telly any way". The club it self was as mentioned a bit small but that made the experience better as everyone was close together and no matter where you were sitting you weren't more that 5 meters from the stage. This was helpful as they used a fair few props and video's in their set. Now down to the set itself. I must say from the bottom of my heart that it was rather good, it has been a while since I have laughed that hard. My only experience with seeing them before was seeing Peacock once on Russell Howards good news so I was ready for his insanity and strange ramblings. Though it was the first time I had seen Gamble. That plus the fact I have little experience with double acts most likely makes me a bad person to write about them. But seeing as my writing skills can be only be classed as retarded the fact I have a blog in general is stupid but's lets just swing with it.<br />
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Their performance was very good specially seeing as it was a preview performance so they were still testing certain parts of the act. This was clear in certain parts of their set were they seemed to get confused over what joke was next or accidentally did the wrong one. Though this just for me added to the hilarity as it resulted in them just improving or just in the technical wording of "dicking around". But it also show their skill and how well they knew each other as even during the moments their forgot what was next they still kept going. Yet during the set it seemed that they had both added bits and had possibly not told the other. There was one part of the act where this became rather clear. It was during a video peacock had made the details of which I will not say so not to ruin it for any one planning to see them. Well in this video peacock had added a new section which resulted in all people watching it seeing his cock.... Well afterwards Gamble said he hadn't know about this. Some people would say this may have just been part of the set but I happened to see Gamble's reaction to the said penis appearing on the screen. His reaction was him literally spitting out his drink, choking then laughing quiet a bit. This for me almost killed me with laughter specially when Gamble afterwards made special note to mention he hadn't been the one recording Peacock's penis.<br />
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Though overall the gig was very good and I laughed a lot. The only bad part of the night was the fact I had to miss the last few minutes to go catch my train back home. Though I shall have no complaints about seeing the whole show again just to see the ending while up at Edinburgh if possible. Well that is all from me today. I highly recommend people go and see Peacock and Gamble if they can. Feel free to comment below and all that and make sure to like and follow.<br />
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Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-77676915226128480222012-06-26T08:39:00.000-07:002012-06-26T08:39:38.410-07:00To much MinecraftOkay it has been a fair while since I have done a post. Under normal circumstances I would just say I have been busy but I really haven't. I can't say that as during the time since my last post I made a pirate ship on minecraft out of boredom. It wasn't even a good ship either , I ran out of wool so I had to use snow blocks for the sails. Which would be a fatal design flaw in a ship because as soon as there was a breeze the sails would just get blown apart and make the ship look like it had been jizzed on.....So yeh basically I got addicted to minecraft and forgot to post.<br />
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But any way soon I shall be having a few new posts as I have a few interesting things coming up. These are going to see Peacock and Gamble's Edinburgh preview show at Cardiff. I promise to try and do a better post about the gig this time unlike Stanhope seeing as for this time I will be sober for it (mostly sober at least). Then after that I have a gig which I might test some new material at. But after that is the big thing for I shall be going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival which I shall be making multiple posts about. Also yes I am aware that seeing Peacocks and Gamble's Edinburgh preview is rather redundant seeing as I'm going to Edinburgh. But I say fuck it I want to see them the ticket was only £8. Put I will try to do posts about the Festival and everything that happens there.<br />
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<span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">To finish off I thought I would tell you about a stand up character idea I had while drunk James The Dragon Hunter (represented by the badly photoshop picture below).</span></div>
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The character would involve me walking wearing a helm and chain mail (which I was too lazy to photoshop) while referring to myself Dovahkiin with some Nord styled humour. So please post your opinion below about this character/ how you stupid you think it is. Also feel free to post any Nord related jokes you may think of.<br />
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Well that be all follow, like and all the usual<br />
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Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-26621975953395151312012-04-29T07:35:00.001-07:002012-04-29T07:35:39.019-07:00A birthday card from StanhopeHello there yes I am still alive. I apologise for my lack of posts but I have been busy with the curse of being a architecture student yet again. But now I am free so it's time for some updates. During my month absence from posting thanks to designing a building which I accidentally made look like a D: face I have had 2 of possibly the best gigs I have ever done. I also saw Doug Stanhope live, I got a birthday card off him and finally the best and most important thing I got a top hat.<br />
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Okay so first my 2 gigs. They both went very well I was running a new set but I was happy with how they went. It does prove practise does make perfect as I put a lot of effort into my current set. Also I now have a video of my set. I apologise for the low quality but all I had at hand was a guy with a iphone.<br />
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Okay next I had the very fun experience of going to see Doug Stanhope live. I must say it was brilliant. It has been a while since I have laughed that hard. Even with the person sitting next to me being absurdly drunk and my hip flash nearly running dry halfway through it was epic. For me personally the best bit had to be during a section about porn where I accidentally said "That's true" only to have Doug hear me and respond. My mind was blown. What made this even better for me though was that I had done this for my birthday night out so I managed to get him and his girlfriend bingo (who is awesome and to me is rather hot) to sign a birthday card. </div>
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Awesome? I think so I just wish I had remember to claim that BJ.</div>
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Okay people that is all for now I will be getting back into my normal posting soon just got a bit more uni work to get out of the way and then I'm free. As per usual like, comment and follow I like hearing peoples opinions.</div>
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The Human Jester</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-54471106136716197342012-03-18T10:35:00.000-07:002012-03-18T10:35:02.036-07:00The Worlds best Comedy HecklerOkay I think it's time for a post seeing as I haven't done one in a while. I apologise but I have been balls deep in train stations. Though I'm not implying I have a fetish for train conductors it just happens my current project involves me redesigning a train station the definition of excitement. Though seeing as I have had to go there to take photo's it means thanks to my beard and long hair I have been upgraded from strangely young hobo to a train anorak/possible pedo. I don't know why but there's something about a guy with a camera and beard that shouts weirdo. Oh well I have now shaved back my beard and had a hair cut so now I'm some what normal looking well that is ignoring my Sonic the Hedgehog T-shirt. Me being fully normal looking is impossible. Any way today's post isn't going to be about one of my gigs for a change. This post is going to be about potentially the most funny and awesome heckler I have ever seen. I'm not going to even bother with a question this week though no fucker ever answer's it so who gives a damn.<br />
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Okay on Wednesday I went to a gig with some friends to support another friend who was preforming. I will skip the actual gig bit and jump to the main bit. The pub was rather small and there was only about 10 to 15 people in the audience but while my friend was on there was a very drunk guy who would heckle now and then. These heckles weren't nasty at all and in fairness they were pretty funny. But then my friend got him to sit down the front where they then proceeded to have a conversation about how my friend could be entitled to some benefits. This was greatly amusing to watch as I have never seen a heckler give a comedian some very helpful advice about their finances. It turned out the Heckler was a lecturer from the university on what subject I can't remember but it just made it more awesome. At this point he actually bought my friend a pint so not only was this guy hilarious but he had given my friend helpful advice on his cash situation and bought him a pint. It is understandable that we all loved him at this point but it gets better.<br />
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My friend came to the end of his set and for a laugh gave the mic to the heckler who's name is Pete by the way. Well at this point Pete drunkenly sat on the pool table and just started talking. The fact he was so drunk was funny but what he was saying was just brilliant too. But not long after that he somehow got the whole pub to sing in unison Yellow Submarine. I'm used to singing in pubs your talking to a person who has sung gay bar on karaoke just for shits and giggles. I'm not going to lie I was very drunk when I did this but it not surprisingly took some dutch courage to be able to sing the phrase "I've got something to put in you" too a load of people I had never met before. All I should say if I said that to someone in any other situation there would have been a large chance of me being put on some sort of list. But I have never seen someone manage to get a whole pub to sing in unison out of no where like that. Also after that he divided us into choir sections and we then sung Bohemian Rhapsody together. After this Pete said good night and everyone started to leave I said well done even though he wasn't even an act and walk outside. I thought the brilliance of this night was over but then one of my other friends turned me and told me something which made it even more awesome. It's turns out my friend actually lived with Pete yet somehow this was the first time they ever met. I'm not going to lie my mind was blown. My night had gone from ok, to a drunken uni lecturer getting a whole but to sing Yellow Submarine to insanity.<br />
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My last comment on this is that I shall never forget this night and I hope one day I will get heckled by my own Pete so I can share in the brilliance that is a person like him. Well that is all for today next week I have a gig in Leeds yet again and my first gig back home in Wales so I may post about them if I have the time. As per usual remember to follow, like and comment below. Hoped you liked my tale of the best heckler I have ever seen.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-8886177517347741182012-03-05T04:54:00.000-08:002012-03-05T04:54:01.652-08:00Offending Old people and Stage RageOkay well Saturday I had another gong show. Once again I didn't win but I had lots of fun, clearly more than the audience at least at they didn't vote me through the little shits. Actually I can't call them little the average age in the audience seemed to be about 50. That may have also been linked to the reason why I didn't win as my material seems to have a limited audience which is why I am currently doing some editing. I'm not going to get bloody anywhere if the only people I can make laugh are damn students. Yeh there's a lot of them but students don't like paying for things so getting them to pay to come to gigs is very damn unlikely. But that day happened to be very long as I had Rammstein the day before in Nottingham which also happened to be where my gong show was at so I effectively spent the majority of my Saturday in Nottingham which was a strange experience. Add the fact thanks to the the brilliance of the british transport system I didn't get from Nottingham till 3pm and I had to leave to go back down at 6:45pm I was pretty fucking tired. Fucking public transport, they said a replacement bus was on it's way but it didn't turn up for a fucking hour. That bus clearly hadn't been on it's bloody way I could have walked to the bus station to get on it in that damn time. I actually think public transport is a bit like a period when it doesn't come it fucks up a lot of things. Any way moving away from that very crud joke now onto the rest of the post. Today's question which none of you fuckers answer no matter how much I encourage you to is:<br />
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Anger in Stand up, is it a good or bad thing?<br />
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Well when I got to the gig I was very tired and I will admit I had little motivation so it's my own fault I didn't do good but that's not the point of this blog. If you lot wanted to hear me fucking talking about myself you would be listening to me bitch on Facebook or something. But moving on it was a real weird fucking crowd. Firstly there was a alot of random empty patches where you just telling jokes at bloody air. Also the crowd was rather old and so my sort of humour didn't work well, it seemed they were much fonder of older acts not that I cared I had fucking fun, there's nothing like offending a load of old fuckers on a Saturday night. They were also a very quiet audience and very difficult to get laugh. In the whole night only one person got them to laugh loudly and not surprisingly he bloody won and got the prize of £50 the lucky shit. Actually lucky isn't the word for it, he did rather well to be honest and deserved it but that doesn't deny the fact I would have liked the cash. There was also one guy in the back was for every act just holding up the red stick trying to vote them off which happened to be the reason I got sent off. Then after I got sent off the bastard fucked off giving his sticks to a couple who were rather kind. That's isn't how it fucking works!!!!! I saw the bastard as I was walking off stage he was walking out of the damn pub. If I see that guy again I will be quiet partial to finding a few glow sticks and ramming them up his arse. He could have at least left before I went fucking on the bastard. Though there was 2 acts that caught my attention through the night. Their was ok good though it was pretty normal but it was more from how they acted which got them through which brings me onto my question.<br />
These 2 acts just got through to the final mainly because you could tell on stage they were angry and got the audiences attention even though their stuff wasn't that good. While I on the other hand went up half dead from lack of sleep. One of my friends also told me anger is a important part of going on stage as it gives you the confidence you need. Plus it seems when I get pissed off I'm funny as everyone likes to laugh at a angry, small welsh guy don't they...the fuckers. But I have gone on stage angry or in a I don't give a shit mood before and it has gone well. Just the cocky arrogance you gain when your pissed off seems to help. Though there is also the reverse side it is possible to get too angry on stage. I use anger to get my rants going but there is the point where your anger goes from funny to slightly scary. I don't think I have this problem myself as my rants are about stupid things but some people get too angry and scare the audience rather than make them laugh. Though with how old my audience was either way if you made them laugh or scared them there was a large chance of them shitting themselves. Anger can provide the comic with confidence but it could also give them too much confidence and the anger can have a bad effect.<br />
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Well I will leave you with that. Post your own answer's to my question below. Like the blog and this post on stumbler and also remember to follow. That is all from me for now. Later this week I shall have a post about some other gigs so keep an eye out.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-40118030132114000182012-03-01T11:15:00.000-08:002012-03-01T11:18:14.594-08:00A Random Stand Up: Zack Galifianakis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
As I'm still looking into unknown awesome stand ups here's a post to keep your interest as I sort it out. I'm pretty sure everyone at this point has seen either The Hangover, The Hangover Part 2 or even very lately The Muppets. So everyone should know Zack Galfinanakis for his movie roles as either his roles as Alan or Hobo Joe. But my post is going to be about his stand up. Yeh he's bloody hilarious during films and he provided me one of my biggest laughs during The Muppets just by saying one line. He's bloody hilarious and a good comedy actor. Yet only the other day I found out about his stand up so here's some of it</div>
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I will admit this made be bloody laugh specially the first bit a pre planned venue special opener is always good. Also a point I would like to make is usually I'm not a fan of dead pan a person's lack of reaction annoys me. This is mainly because I am very emotive and have the humour of a 12 year old so dead pan is physically impossible for me. Evidence that earlier today on a white board in a seminar someone had wrote in the corner where no one could notice "chinos + Period = expensive dry clean". I was at this point I was struggling to hold in the laughter and then I noticed someone had also just written 2 words on the other side which were "Pedo Pope" this finished me off and I just started laughing in the middle of my seminar. But I do respect people who can do dead pan but it can annoy me with the lack of reaction you get. But Zack does it in a way I love. It's more of a confused where the hell am I dead pan rather than the standard just no emotion. It's less he doesn't have emotion's it's more he doesn't have a clue what their are and that there's a large chance he may be off his tits type of act. He has mastered the creepy vibe which is shown in his show Between Two Ferns which is basically a chat show hosted by him where he is rather awkward and is set between 2 fern plants. Also thank you which ever friend told me about that show I cannot remember who it was but it highly amused me. He also does a bit of music based comedy as well but I don't know much about that so I recommend looking into it yourselves. My only complaint that in this video he is reading his stuff off a sheet but that isn't too bad in other video's he doesn't just difficult to find one with good sound and this is best I got. Oh and my other complaint is how fucking hard it is to spell his name. As proven in other posts my spelling is shit and his surname is basically taunting me.<br />
Well I think Zack is a good stand up but his break into films and how popular he got from The Hangover over shadowed his stand up career. I recommend people have a look at his stuff as it's pretty good. I personally hope he continues to do more stand up as I would love to see more from him. He has the hobo act down an act I may have to do soon if I don't get round to shaving. If I don't shave and have a hair cut soon I will end up looking like a fusion between a hippie and a hill billy (a hipilly?) with being welsh thrown in. Now that's all for this don't forget to comment below and like/follow. Like I said in the last post I'm going to start doing posts about comedians so any suggestions please post them below and I will look into them.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-14888653942413751802012-02-29T05:59:00.000-08:002012-02-29T05:59:52.631-08:00The Leeds Adventure part 2: Lets have a ChortleSecond post actually about stand up comedy I'm impressed with myself. Also I apologise if this post lacks some of my usual anger but for personal reasons it's a bit difficult to summon right now. It's a bit like an erection it's usually there when you need it but there's always that one fucking time you need it and it's not fucking there. Well moving on yesterday I auditioned for and then watched the Leeds heat rounds for the uk based student stand up competition of Chortle. It's a nice competition for new comic's and I had some fun. Even though I didn't get through to the heats myself I had a good bloody laugh with if you ignore the personal crap the only bad thing about the day that the £1:25 deal on pints in the pub was sadly only on a fucking Monday. So I had to pay full price for my pints but I didn't care as my audition was fun and a few of my friends got through to the heats which isn't surprising as their fucking awesome. My only regret is not applying for the Glamorgan heats would have been much more likely that I would have gotten a bloody heat slot. But as last time I'm going to pose a question to you.<br />
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Are there certain topics in stand up which are repeated too often?<br />
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Okay I'm going to make this post about more of a personal one from my point of view so this is just my experience others may not have the same. But the day started with a once again long drive so Leeds though this time with thankfully more leg room but with a battery effectively up my arse for the majority of it. I was basically one fart away from turning my arse into the worlds first organic blow torch. Though thankfully I didn't develop bad gas till later in the day so that was fine. But any way we got to Leeds and after circling the Bar about 5 times in search of a parking space we walked in to find out what was happening. For those who don't know in Chortle there's the heats in multiple places round the uk, the semi finals in Manchester and London and then the final at Edinburgh Fringe festival. Though this year thanks to there being so many applicants a lot of people had to audition for some of the heat slots. For me my audition was for the Leeds heat and the Sheffield heat. There were 3 lots of auditions with altogether made up around 30 to 35 comics.<br />
Well I went on and did my 3 minutes as that's the time you had. I felt it went good I got some laughs and possibly mentally scared some people in the process which is always my goal. I will admit the auditions were a bit rushed to be organised but they were very fun and had a nice atmosphere. The crowd you were preforming to were the other comedians which made it much more fun as everyone was being fair and laughing at each others stuff. But this brings me onto my question. While sitting there watching all the auditions I noticed there were some topics that constantly came up. Fair play some people made them work but they were always there. I would say at least half the acts did a bit about where their from. I'm not going to say anything about this myself as I started out doing mainly jokes about being welsh so I can't say fucking anything. But there are other topics that appear a lot as well. Of course the one about how bad everyone's sex lives are is a good example. Like I said before some people make these topics work for them but they are a very repeated concept. Plus if 2 people start with the same basis for a joke it makes it much less likely that there would be a large difference between their jokes in the end. I like acts which are different and have something that makes you remember them. Which is why I quiet liked the winner of the Leeds heat. He was pretty much dressed as a tramp was rather quiet and extremely creepy, with him just standing on stage it was fucking hilarious but he also had a creepy persona around him that fitted his character perfectly. Compared to everyone else he was very unique.<br />
But with basis's being repeated by so many comedians it has the effect of limiting variety, limiting the chance of you getting to see something new and eye catching. But of course this is how everything works when one thing gets popular people start to copy it in hope of cashing in. So I wouldn't personally blame the new comedians for using these topics as these topics are the ones you see all over TV. Which is why I think there should be more encouragement for people to try something a bit different or weird. Possibly more competitions and nights aimed at these acts and only for these types of acts as I know of very few myself. If you have a different opinion or want to answer the question yourself post it in the comments.<br />
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Well that is me done for now. I'll say the usual of like/follow and all that but also to those who read this if you know of a unique comedian or one which you think is a bit unknown and should be brought to peoples attention post their names below in the comments and I will see if I can do a post just about them. I want to try and review some acts or just show some people some cool new comedians they might not know about.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-25145817823027996842012-02-24T08:37:00.000-08:002012-02-24T08:37:21.385-08:00The Leeds Adventure: A Wild Heckler has appeared!On Monday of this week I went the furthest north I have ever been. Battling the treacherous lands of the M62 while suffering from the deadly condition of shit leg room thanks to having to sit behind some tall fucker I ended up in Leeds. I was there for a comedy gong show. For those who don't know what that is it's basically a comedy night where the acts preform while the audience have 3 red cards (or in my case 4) and if the audience raise 3 cards your sent off with the hit of a gong. This is usually okay but add a audience made of 40% very drunk and rough rugby lads, 40% slags who hated anything weird, dark or anything making a tiny mention of women (who had 2 of the cards I would like to point out) and then finally the last 20% were the other acts and people who actually liked comedy. I was one from the end and buy the time I was up the slags and rugby lads just wanted the night over. So add in the fact I went on wearing a sonic the hedgehog t-shirt and pokemon badges (yes I am that stylish) while knowing none of material was going to work on the crowd as seeing the transgender act had got carded off for mentioning fisting and my first joke involved fisting. So before I tell you my merry tail of getting heckled and returning the punishment with mild furry I have one question.<br />
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If a audience member gets offended in a stand up gig is it the comedians fault of theirs?<br />
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Any way well having seeing how drunk the crowd was and knowing all my material was really going to do was offend the crowd I went on for myself, I went on to just have fun, shits and giggles. I will say this about the gig...it was probably the most fun gig I have done so far. Firstly knowing I was going to fail no matter what I did kind of put me a "Ah fuck it" mood which for me is a state of mind that only appears usually during doing uni work, doing something boring or most sexual situations. But I went on and got red carded very quickly seeing as my first joke as mentioned earlier involved fisting which apparently is a bit of a sore subject in Leeds. Whether I meant that in the physical sense or metaphorical sense I will leave that to you. But it was clear this audience didn't like fisting so I went with it. Nothing else I had was going to work so I thought fuck it. Thankfully they had a 2 minute grace time so even if they red carded me for 2 minutes they couldn't do anything no matter how many times to fuckers red carded me which they shouldn't have been doing. I actually made a point of this which leaded to me telling them to fuck off multiple times which they strangely liked I found amusing.<br />
Then the guy who clearly didn't even wanted to be there piped up with "Your Shit" so I simply did the gentlemanly thing of calling him a cunt. 3 instant red cards but I was still in the 2 minutes and they were laughing as they put the cards up that's what the audience was like. Then the 2 minutes was up but at this point I had won them slightly back going into a rant well until I mentioned Cougars and then I got voted off. But I promise you this I went off in a blaze of glory calling that guy a cunt and getting red carded for it by the slags in the process. This slightly annoyed me as I swear a lot for the simple reason swears are words how their said can change their context so the word can be used in a non-offensive way. If I say "Fucking Hell" it doesn't mean I'm going to battle my way to the pits just to anally rape the devil himself now does, no it bloody doesn't as if it did by now I think I would have had a call off child line accusing me of many rape charges. Yes I did just imply the devil is a child, Why? I don't have a fucking clue. Their just words people have made offensive form how they use it. If I called a girl a cow it would be offensive yet I question if I put the same girl in front of the farm yard bovine animal of the British cow I highly doubt she would get offended by it.<br />
This brings me to my main point. I had fun offending these people as they were so easy to offend. I didn't go that far compared to most comedians yet I got that reaction. I got red carded for them on not seeing the context of my jokes, yes I mentioned fisting but it wasn't in a dark or nasty way. They knew that in comedy people say things that can offend them yet they came to a comedy night. So all I shall say is yes a comedian can go too far in being offensive but if you turn up to a comedy night and your the type of person who gets easily offend well I think I have something you may need to know. You are rather bloody stupid comedy can be offensive so I think it is safe to say you may actually have the same level of brain function as the creature my sandwich used to be, a fucking cow.<br />
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Well that is all for my first completely comedy based post even though it gets rather angry near the end. I've got a few gigs coming up soon so I will make some posts about them if their wanted. Remember to follow my blog, like on stumbler and everything else. Also comment below on how you would answer the question earlier in the post.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-17687009133637796402012-02-19T08:08:00.000-08:002012-02-19T08:08:41.806-08:00The Toys of True Geekdoom part 2Okay people my uni work is finally out of the way plus I am at least a little more sane than last time. I can't see Jeff to say the least. But any way moving on from my largely potential mental health problems I have decided to do another post about some pretty epic geeky stuff I would love to own seeing as quiet a few people liked it last time. So me being the kind and incredibly bored person that I am I have decided to write another post for you enjoy.<br />
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<u>1: Darth Vader Laser Pointer </u><br />
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When I saw this my mind was blown. If I had one of this not only would I be blinding every fucker I could but I would without a hint of embarrassed be swinging it round making the noises. Though saying that I would only be able to talk in Darth Vader quotes to the point I may end up claiming I am the father to over half the people in my university which even if you ignore the fact most of them are older than me I still couldn't have been their fathers as my sex life has never been that good. </div>
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<u>2: Tardis Cookie Jar</u></div>
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Last time we had the Companion Cube cookie cookie jar this time it's a Tardis. Sadly it does not function as a proper Tardis but I hear it does hold cookies rather well and it makes the noises. Plus you have the awesome fact it looks like a tardis so you can show off your love for Doctor Who. Well till some idiot asks why do you have a police box cookie jar then you can demonstrate the effects when 2 objects collide at speed. One object being a pointy corner of the cookie jar and the other of course being their skull.</div>
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<u>3: Pokemon Badges</u></div>
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Okay first off you are going to notice with this one the picture is actually a photo rather than something taken off the internet. So yes I do happen to own these 3 pokemon badges and yes I am fucking happy as hell that I found somewhere that sold pokemon badges. These things are awesome their like a little part of your childhood pinned to you. Yes you will get judged by some people for owning them but so what do they have proof they have beaten Lt Surge? No no they do not. I will wear these as badges of honour showing my skill at a child's video and my love for pokemon....plus their only like 80p each</div>
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<u>4: Canned Unicorn Meat</u></div>
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Okay no word to a lie I did laugh rather hard when I saw this. I would buy this for the simple fact to see how stupid people are and see if anyone asks if it really is unicorn. Though saying that I wouldn't mind trying some Unicorn just out of interest and the fact I would think you would literally shit a rainbow when it came out the other end. Inside the tin is a dismembered stuffed unicorn so no it isn't just meat from a horse that had a horn glue to it's fucking head your fine.</div>
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<u>5: Minecraft for the xbox</u></div>
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I will admit this last one is a more personal favourite of mine. For those who have never played it Minecraft is a massive sandbox game where you you can create a huge variety of stuff while fighting some monsters as well if you want to. This game you can already get for the computer but thanks to my fucking luck it doesn't run well on my laptop. So with it coming to the xbox my geeky mind exploded knowing I would soon be able to waste away my life playing a game about mining...... Any way looks like it will be good and anyone interested should look into it.</div>
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Well that is all for me for now don't forget to follow the blog, comment and like the post below, like on stumbler and anything else you can do to show this to other people. Just a small reminder I do have a gig tomorrow at Mr Bens gong show in Leeds tomorrow so anyone in the area feel free to come over and watch the show.</div>
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The Human Jester</div>
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<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-66151627263860497872012-02-08T12:05:00.000-08:002012-02-08T12:05:19.643-08:00Surfing the Tidal Wave of CrazyOkay it has been a while since I have done a post so up dates. First lots of fucking stress I've got a hand in a week today so lots of fucking work. Being a student isn't fun and games more large hand in's , shit load of work and a large want to introduce a fair number of your tutors faces to rough moving part of an axle grinder. Okay maybe not the last bit I know a few people who would be happy enough just to bitch slap them round the face with a fair sized spaniel. Well this post is to be honest just going to be about one simple yet rather fun thing. To deal with this stress I have decided to temporarily go insane. Well temporarily is actually incorrect it's more I have let my usually controlled insane part of my mind free for a bit. It usually only gets to see the sun while I am writing my material but to help deal with stress I have let it free as nothing helps better with stress than a imaginary talking squirrel called Jeff.<br />
I must say so far just being crazy is quiet fun. The main points so far have been of course Jeff, Jeff challenging my mug to Claw-Plagh, spending 10 minutes only talking in Doctor Zoidberg quotes to myself, deciding to colour a boiler green as sadly frog isn't a colour that can be found on Photoshop, eating crisps with a spoon which is actually rather difficult and I am now working out the physics behind building a fort out of bed sheets, a drying rack with a nerf gun as a rudimentary cannon. As you can see that is a lot of crazy for you right there and that's discluding my current large want to slap someone with a kipper just for shits and giggles. Well to start I must say the talking with Doctor Zoidberg quotes was very fun but after a while you find unless you can turn your hands into pincers it's never going to let you be the true thing. It is why I now envy crabs not the ones that like to live in your pubs the ones that live in the ocean though fair play to the genital crabs they do get to see a lot of vajazzle. But that cannot beat being able to the worlds best Doctor Zoidberg impression which sea crabs have down. Next eating crisps with a spoon. This popped into my head as I decided to eat the unique combination of strawberry yogurt and cheese and onion crisps. You can eat yogurt with a spoon why not crisps. It turns out it's very hard and all you end up doing is just smashing your crisps with said spoon so my advice is next time you want to eat crisps use a fork. Also dear my spell check YOGURT IS A FUCKING WORD it is refusing to say it is spelt right along with Zoidberg and Vajazzle.<br />
Now to the fort (insert 80's super hero cheesy jingle here). The idea for the fort came for the simple reason the last 3 times I have pictured Jeff he has launched himself at my face which I think may be a sign to some deep psychological issue but that's not important to me right now. All I care is to build a fort to defend against Jeff as after defeating the mug in a brutal and bloody game of Claw-Plagh he has become overly confident in his powers making him rather violent. Nothing can stop him now other than sheets a flimsy drying rack and a not brilliantly well functioning nerf gun his only weaknesses. So I am off to make a fort now so unless you later see someone running down the street wearing a sombrero and wielding a nerf gun while screaming something about a squirrel that shall be all from me tonight. My next sane post may not be for a while again with the work I need to get done. But till then don't forget to tell people about the blog, like on stumbler and follow the blog through a simple click on one of the buttons on the right hand side of the page. Also don't forget to comment<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-46086478151617369722012-01-26T09:06:00.000-08:002012-01-26T09:06:03.358-08:00The Human Jester gets down with the funnySeeing as I have hit over a 1000 views which is admittedly very shit but blame yourselves for not following you lazy shits or liking my post on stumbler. It's only a click or 2 I could get my dog to do it and she doesn't understand the concept of glass so how stupid must you lot be. Well as I was saying I decided to do a post though I needed to do one any way so this last paragraph means fuck all. Feel stupid for reading that now don't you. ANY way onto the post.<br />
This post it mainly to mention a load of gigs I have coming up for people who want to come along. These are the gigs I know are on.<br />
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Feb 20th- Mr Bens Gong Show: Leeds<br />
Mar 3rd- Funhouse Comedy Gong show: Glee Club ,Nottingham<br />
March 20th- The Comedy Cellar :The Verve, Leeds<br />
May 20th- Technicolour Smoof: Telford<br />
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There will also be 2 competition heat rounds in there somewhere as well once I know when and where they are. But these are the gigs I have so far please come along if you can. I will update it when I get more gigs and I know when I have the 2 competitions.<br />
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Okay I know this has been a very small post so I will add something for you </div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/zdukWtJwlPU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
Like all HISHE vids it's hilarious aren't I kind to you lot for showing you this awesomeness. Yet you don't follow me I'll just go sit in the corner and cry to myself as you laugh at the comedic genius I provide without any sign of reconciliation.........pricks<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-59873370293061306912012-01-21T06:16:00.000-08:002012-01-21T06:16:28.924-08:00FUS RO DAH!The other day while searching the random abyss of cat video's and fail video's that is youtube I found a amazing video. Everyone by now should know of the FUS RO DAH video's. To those very rare creatures of people who read this blog yet still have a life I shall explain them for you. The meme of Fus Ro Dah was created with this video.<br />
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Basically some pure genius put the skyrim shout over some sorry bastard getting sent flying into a load of lockers by a air. The simple act of doing this turned a already funny though some what painful looking video into something that has started to take over the internet. There's been loads of videos similar to this all videos of someone just putting the skyrim shout of Fos Ro Dah over some sorry fucker making a tit of themselves. It was a simple yet amusing format. That is till a youtube duo called CorridorDigital came into the fray.<br />
CorridorDigital is a youtube group specialising in VFX effects making loads of good and funny video's. They took Fus Ro Dah and basically levelled it up in geek terms. Rather than using sound effects from a games they made their own, rather than just using a random funny video from the internet they made their own then they threw some effects and a video with new found levels of awesome is born. This is their creation.<br />
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I love these guys this video is awesome. They have also worked on many other video from a Battlefield 3 trailer to just random other videos. I recommend subscribing to them....and this blog come on people follow me damn it.<br />
Well that is it for now. Just a small stand up update I've entered into the Chortle student stand up competition and WUCA the new welsh stand up competition though I don't know when or where my heats are for both of them. But when I do I will tell you so come along and support me if you can my actual name is James Hunter so keep an eye out for me.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-59186051829118838452012-01-19T10:47:00.000-08:002012-01-19T10:47:25.853-08:00Stalls, Drunkards and Rock RadioOkay this is going to be a quick post as I'm hungover and short on time. First off the reason for my said hungover...ness. All I shall say is sometimes something may look like a good deal but in truth it's bad. For example getting 100 lemons for £1 would be a good deal but bad as you will just end up with a fuck load of lemons which you will have to resort to throwing them at people like some crazy lemon person just to get rid of them. For me the deal was £1 jagerbombs. Everyone must now be questioning with how the fuck is that bad well all I shall say is thanks to that deal I ended up downing about jagerbombs as they were so sodding cheap and yet that night I only just spent through some fucking miracle just over £10. Now you may understand why I am now feeling very hungover.<br />
Now the second part yesterday was my uni's refresher fare. I must admit it was fairly fun. We made friends with the circus society, the Sam chapachino was created and also someone pretend to be part of a tragedy society by just sitting there looking sad. This was rather amusing but also annoying as his fake stall was getting more attention than the comedy society's stall. Now here's a picture with Billy Keable holding up our sign and Dave Anthony looking a bit rapey as per usual<br />
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Now finally the other day I listened to a rather good radio show which I shall recommend to you. The interesting bit about this is that they have a live feed to a website (here <a href="http://www.livestream.com/radiosherborne">www.livestream.com/radiosherborne</a>) so you can watch them doing the show. You may think this is boring but it's actually rather amusing as they have a laugh and joke around while doing the show. Also there is a chat bar down the side which they can see so it makes requesting songs rather easy and you can annoy the radio host for a laugh. I say tune in at 8pm this Friday as there's a rather good rock show with some good music and a funny host called Goldie Trapp. Just make sure you don't mention the fact your welsh in your username as a certain person stupidly did.....bloody sheep jokes<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-82333036641650363342012-01-14T09:18:00.000-08:002012-01-14T09:18:55.126-08:00My Wish List: The Toys of True GeekdomOkay now this is going to be a good post. This is basically going to be a list of really awesome geeky things which if I wasn't a poor bloody student I would be buying in a instant. This stuff isn't in any sort of order it's just some stuff I thought would be cool to own.<br />
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<u>Gallium</u><br />
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Well first this isn't really a item of sorts it's just a chunk of metal, a chunk of metal I may add that isn't even good at being metal as it bloody melts at room temperature. But that's what makes it awesome literally it melts in your fucking hand it's like ice cream but instead of being sweet it's for some fucking reason used in superconductors. Seeing as it melts in your hand it must have been pretty easy to get shaped for the conductor fuck using big machinery just get a sod load of kids in and shape it with your hands like silly putty. But also to make it solidify you just have to put it in a plate or in the fridge.</div>
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<u>The Ecosphere</u></div>
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This thing basically the lazy fuckers fish tank but much cooler. It's a glass ball full of water but also small shrimp and seaweed which never have to be fed. You get to see the things inside grow while they are oblivious to the outside world ...the lucky fuckers. I myself really want one of these there's something about it which is cool and also the fact I love having fish but I always forget to feed the little buggers so this would suit me fine. Though be warned I have looked at prices these things cost round £120 at minimum.....So anyone with £120 lying around contact The Human Jester at my email address as I can put it to good use.</div>
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<u>Companion Cube Cookie Jar</u></div>
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All I shall say if this thing says "I love you" every time you got a cookie out all the lonely people would suddenly become morbidly obese. </div>
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<u>Combat Garden Gnomes</u></div>
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Okay this one isn't really geeky but their sodding awesome. Screw the normal gnomes with their fishing rods and walking sticks these ones are armed with AK-47s, RPGs and Grenades are much better. First it would scare the shit out of any dog that got into your garden and it means you can turn your front lawn into a much more cheery version of Afghanistan.</div>
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<u>Bubble Wrap Calender</u></div>
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Well it's safe to say I don't have to say much about this. It's a calender which you pop the bubble for the day when you get to it. I can safely say if I had one it would last all of 2 seconds as literally once I pop I just can't stop...... </div>
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Okay that is all now for this post if you want to know where to buy these things just comment below and I will tell you. Also a small stand up gig update I have a Gong show at the Glee Club in Nottingham on March 3rd if you want to come along. One final bit if anyone ever feels like buying me a gift to I don't know for possibly providing them with the great amusement that is this blog the Ecosphere is the way to go.......please</div>
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The Human Jester</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-75236187235530188622012-01-10T03:50:00.000-08:002012-01-10T06:35:01.660-08:00Lights,Camera some hardcore comedy ActionFirst I know the title has "hardcore comedy action" in it but this is not about a Johnny Vegas porno for not only would that be disgusting but I would feel fucking sorry for Monkey. No type of tea could repair that much damage to the poor guys arse or well hand bit he's a bloody puppet his arse has enough things up there as it is leave him alone Vegas. Okay this is going to be a quick post as I'm a bit hungover. It's mainly about Comedy this one as well.<br />
Firstly last night was a gig at Lincoln Lpac's Zing. It had a few acts and also Billy Keable the comedy society's president. Though I would like to point out I think Kevin Mahon should get a mention in this as during the first acts bit he basically got more laughs than her during some audience intro action. Though he preformed sacrilege by putting a tea bag in his pint. Who the fuck does that to their own bloody pint it's like putting a penny in your own bloody drink. The second comedian on wasn't too bad. Half way through his set I nearly died of laughter but not because of his joke just because he was effectively another comedian I know but just in 10 years. I think if he had pulled out a whisk I may have actually died. Well the next few acts were rather good with of course Billy, a American guy which I liked surprisingly as I'm usually not a fan of american comics and then finally the headliner who's name I have annoyingly forgotten but he was very good. If anyone remembers his name post it in a comment underneath will you. And now finally onto the last person.....the compere. Before I start this next bit I will let you know I have had a run in with this guy before as when I did my Zing gig he compered mine which during it he wrote his jokes about 2 minutes before he went on, introduced the first guy as me accidentally and then he just used my first name when he finally did introduce me. I would like to point my surname is fucking awesome and I like people to damn use it. But this guy effectively talked at the audience, the only time I bloody laughed was when the other comedy society made amusing comments about. Sweet Jesus he asked a girl her name and she replied with "Woody" there's so many fucking things he could have done with that Toy Story reference, slag joke and many bloody more but he just carried on talking to her as if this was completely normal. But thankfully he shut up after a while so I could listen to the acts and destroy my liver.<br />
Lastly this is a bit I don't think going to work but I'm going to fucking try it any way. This is more a question to those who have seen my act but anyone else who thinks I should go for one free feel to add your opinion. I am currently trying to decide what to concentrate on my rants (like you have seen in my posts), my slightly surreal stuff or just trying to merge them in some unholy combination. Well tell me what you think I should try by commenting below and if your wondering why I said I don't think this is going to work it's because no fucker ever comments!<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-63695255298532026392012-01-08T03:08:00.000-08:002012-01-08T03:15:30.075-08:00The Human Jester goes super sonic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've just about got enough time to make this post so here it is. First the usual stuff. The May gig is 100% on and I'm in the middle of sorting out some others so you may see a crazy welshman in your area sometime soon. Once I get more details I will update this but for now onto the main section. By the way this post contains spoilers for a few sonic games<br />
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Lately I have been rediscovering my childhood amazingly geeky love for what I think is the best video game character Sonic the Hedgehog. Mario the overweight moustache clad plumber can blow it out his arse Sonic is the way to go. Sorry a hedgehog who can not only run at the speed of sound but after getting some pretty rocks can effectively go a non-copyrited version of super saiyan beats the hell out of plumber who for some reason throws fucking fireballs. Seriously shouldn't he have some water based power no he throws fucking fireballs but I know everyone is now thinking "Ah but Jester Sonic can run at the speed of sound and hedgehogs are slow" they're really bloody not. I remember coming home late one night and nearly stepping on a hedgehog which was in the middle of the pavement. I turned my head for one second and boom the little thing was halfway into a nearby bush quicker than if I had dropped kicked there, though saying that it would be damn painful if you drop kicked a hedgehog. But back to Sonic. I think everyone remembers the first video game they played there's something about it that people like to remember. The first game I ever played was Sonic on the sega megadrive. I loved that game never completed it as it was damn ass difficult but I still loved it. But the game that really kicked off my love for Sonic was Adventure Battle 2 on the game cube. Sorry that game was damn awesome. The first level involves you running away from a military lorry which is trying to kill you how isn't that awesome and then the final level you turn gold and start fighting a giant monster in fucking SPACE how isn't that epic that beats any damn boss fight from Mario. Oh what's this a fight with some lava try a endless bloody vacuum on for size then you wouldn't be laughing. </div>
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Though the reason for this post and the reason for my returning love for Sonic is thanks to one game which my amazing girlfriend got for me. Sonic Generations......it has the best level from every sonic game made, you can go super sonic in any level after you have the skill and even better you don't have to play as the bloody little shit known as tails Tails. It is a really good game, not amazingly long but the gameplay and nostalgia for anyone who ever played the old games it is plain awesome and makes up for it by far. Playing the reworked versions of the levels I played constantly as a kid was awesome. I would also like to point it really bloody made up for the stream of rather shit Sonic games we have had to tolerate lately. Sonic on the xbox, Unleashed and all the others bar possibly Colours were worse than my grammar fucking awful. You can play as either play as Modern sonic for 3D very fast paced levels or Classic sonic for some retro side scrolling fun. It has the best of both worlds, add to that a amazing sound track and it's a epic game. But I will say the blue streak is back and I'm not on about colour skid marks either. This is the best sonic game since Adventure Battle 2. Any fans of the blue hedgehog I recommend Generations it's damn awesome. Go out and get it people support the worlds coolest hedgehog. </div>
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Now that is all from me for now my next post shall mention more stuff about being back at uni and the comedy society. Also I will know by then more about what is happening with a few gigs I am sorting but till then have fun.</div>
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The Human Jester</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-26048769649129570852012-01-03T13:54:00.000-08:002012-01-03T13:54:43.104-08:00Pints, Trains and a boat that was also a pubFirstly yes I didn't post yesterday but a spent the majority of it on a 5 hour damn train the highlight of which was someone vomiting all over the train door at Birmingham station. Ah people from Birmingham you are a classy bunch. I have also noticed this is the second time I have insulted the Brummies in this blog I see a offensive yet mildly amusing trend forming here. I think I may have of invent the term brumist. Also as I'm back in uni and thanks to the brilliance of the damn architecture department I have double seminars for the next 3 weeks my posts on here shall decrease but I will still make a post at last once a week to give you lot a update of my antics, stand up gigs and the rants that amuses you bloody lot.<br />
Okay today I got back on a train to head down to Newark to get some work done. My projects site is in Newark it's not that I just head to random places to get work done. If I did would go somewhere better than bloody Newark , I'd go somewhere more interesting.......like Cockerington.....as the name is funny. ANY way while there I went to a pub that was also a boat. First thing I must it was fucking awesome literally in the middle of the pub there was a boat steering while and lever things. I really wanted to play with them but I didn't want to sink one of the best pubs I have ever been to. I am also loving the fact that I could have sunk a pub to anyone I ever told that they would think I had the power to summon sink holes or something. Though that would be a very shit power wouldn't. There's a robber I know I will stop him with my sink hole powers wait 5 minutes for him to very slowly sink to his doom while he stands still enough so that he doesn't just pull himself out of it. I could do a better job of being a hero if I just hit them in the face with a fucking rock. Haha I've got the ca-smash face caved in with a rock job done. Will back to the pub. It was a very nice place I was sitting there with my pint writing some material when I suddenly felt as if the room was rocking. Of course being me the first thing I did was question how bloody strong my pint was. But then I remembered I was on a boat, it turns out every time another boat comes past it rocks a little. All I shall say is that must cause some messy effects on nights out. Drinking can end in a nasty fashion any way add rocking motion to it and you have got a large forecast for vomiting and some poor sod having to mop it all up later. Though all in all it is a very nice place which I hope I get to go to again. To any one in Newark I recommend you stop by it's called the Newark Barge it's pretty difficult to miss it's the boat with the big fucking pub sign on it.<br />
One final thing I think I will at some point next month be making a visit to Mr Ben's (sadly not uncle) Gong Show. So people of Leeds you are going to be in for a treat as you will get to see a ranty, very geeky and possibly insane Welsh man makes funnies on a stage for your bloody amusement. Oh and there will be others from the comedy society there as well. That is all for today hope you liked it. If you did tell people about this blog and comment below.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-21825515388495272842011-12-31T05:56:00.000-08:002011-12-31T05:56:09.003-08:00A Human Jester Special: Give me 2011 bloody backOkay with it being the last day of 2011 I have decided to do a special post looking back over 2011 from my ranty and kind of angry point of view. A lot of things have happened this year Vettel becoming the youngest double world champ, the royal wedding, war and earthquakes I'm going to cover as much as I bloody can so be warned this is going to a post the size of Oprah's arse .....so pretty big.<br />
Okay for myself the year started pretty normally for me with my head in the sink vomiting while my friend was passed out in the middle of the road. Completely normal way to start the new year though from there it was pretty boring for a while. But the first big thing I remember of the year was the earthquakes in Japan during March and the nuclear station melting down. Firstly the earthquake. You've got to hand it to Japan they dealt with that earthquake pretty damn well, you know if it happened here in Britain we would be fucked We have mass panics and people screaming and shouting when it snows and everyone is trying to buy bread and milk for some fucking reason just because there is a little bit of snow. If we had that earthquake everyone in Britain would have gone tribal and would have started fighting over butter supplies while mini wars would break out between cities with Manchester invading Liverpool. But no Japan held strong and with help started to recover I say well done to them they had something which could have really knocked them off their feet and they dealt with it. But then they had the power station go critical and melt down. Firstly I really remember this for the fact I saw a picture on FB about the reactor going up within seconds someone had commented on the picture saying simply "I didn't know Fallout had a new expansion pack" every part of me cringed while in fairness to the guy it was a good joke but about 5 minutes after the reactor had melted down I think is possibly too soon to make a joke about it.<br />
And next it has to of course The Royal Wedding, the day nearly everyone in Britain got pissed and perved on Pippa Midletons arse. I didn't watch the Royal wedding myself but there's 2 facts I love about it. The majority of Britain didn't really give a shit about it compared to the rest of the world but we still thought "A wedding? Time to get pissed" no one fucking cared about it but we still happily took a day off to get rat arsed in the middle of the street and to pretend to actually know what the fuck is going on. The second part of course has to be the fact probably the most mentioned thing in the whole day wasn't the happy couple or anything to do with the wedding it was one of the brides maids arses. Sorry but how fucking British is that there's a massive wedding yet all the men seem more interested in perving on one of the brides maids. We may as well have just put up a banner saying "We may be pissed and we may not really care about this wedding but we can damn appreciate a bit of arse when we see it". Oh another thing was The Royal Wedding Drinking game. I thought the Harry Potter drinking game Goblet of Fire was hilarious but this was bloody amazing. I love that somewhere in Britain some pissed up student went "A royal wedding.....I can make a drinking game for that". I sadly never played it myself but I remember the rules were pretty brutal or at least I remember one had to do with Prince Philip making some sort of racist comment so it must have been dodgy.<br />
Now next Osama Bin Laden getting killed. My main memory of this was someone saying "Osama Bin Laden dead and the Royal Wedding now that's what I call a fucking week". I don't really have much to say on this to be honest, yeh he killed a load of people but a bad guy getting killed is generally a good thing so this has left me with annoyingly little to take the piss out of. My only complaint is them burying him at sea. Surly they could have done something better. I think they should of strapped him to a missle and sent him blasting off into the air, I could easily imagine there just being a little glint like when Team Rocket blast off in pokemon. "Osama's blasting off againnnnnnnnn.......tink".....sorry I have just noticed I have implied that a evil murderer should have been treated like a kids tv show villian so moving on.....<br />
Okay I'm skipping a few months now as other wise this is going to take fucking ages. Now onto the Riots. I was in Wales for the majority of the riots where we had the common sense to well...not riot so again I don't have a amazing amount to say other than when a english person see's a chance to nick something they bloody well take it. I love the number of posh and rich people who got in the shit as they just stole something for the sake of stealing it. There's something for you the british are so cheap that even rich people will steal something from fucking Lidl the shop so cheap I know students who refuse to shop there. Now other than the fact I found out JB's was the most looted shop in the riots which I found proved their customer market of your average chav the only other thing that interested me is that the welsh police were called in to help. I like this for simple fact of how confused must the rioters have been when the welsh vans turned up with "Heddlu" written on them. All I shall say to those rioters ..aren't making sheep jokes fucking now are you.<br />
Now Octorber was a busy month Muammar Gaddafi a dictator who actually thought he was a fucking bond villain dying. I'm still waiting for the report saying he had a right hand man who hand claws for hands or something. But of course there was the Rugby world cup. I can safely say thanks to one sporting event the majority of Britain now hate the French even more than usual. With Scotland not making it through qualifying, Ireland losing to Wales in what was in fairness a very good game and then England being the first to fall to the luck of the French team it was all down to Wales. Yet thanks to a stupid call by a ref it was taken from us. All I shall say it was bloody funny watching the French interviews after the game for the simple fact their were all speechless. They didn't even think they should have been there let alone the other teams. Though thankfully New Zealand which even though with the irony of it being the only country to have even more sheep than Wales is my second favourite team came to rescue and beat the French to a good win taking the world cup. All I shall say it's seems there may be a relation to sheep numbers to rugby skills....<br />
All I shall say for the next bit is to be honest it was no bloody surprise Vettel winning the world title ...again. To be honest it was pretty bloody obvious by half way through the season. But there I have too things to say as I know not many people are fans of F1 Vettel in fairness to him was a good driver and Alonso is a sneaky bastard. I can't remember which race it was but Alonso said into the team radio "I'm giving up I can't catch him" just to try to throw off the person in front of him...the sneaky Italian Bugger. In the end the other driver didn't fall for it and he kept his position. So all I shall say is suck it Alonso.<br />
Now we come to the last month of my look back over the year. With Kim Jong Il dying and making people question whether or not Team America actually exists it has been a interesting month. But now it is coming to an end. 2011 has been a stressful but fun year me and I will bid it a happy fare well. I shall miss it but look on the bright side look at what we have to look forward to The London Olympics which should be fun. Oh and also the possibility of the world ending , everyone dying a gruesome death and the world ending as we know. What a ball of fucking laughs 2012 shall be. So that is me done for not only my bloody longest post (this thing took fucking effort to write) but my last one of 2011. Hope you had a good year and that if the world does end your death is swift and painless well unless it's a zombie apocalypse then I hope your body is mangled enough you caught chase after me when you go all undead. Sorry but I'm not a fan of being eaten alive so no hard feelings.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-88423359513396132922011-12-30T05:08:00.000-08:002011-12-30T05:12:07.590-08:00The Human Jester laughs at Sleep DeprivationOkay first things first the gig I mentioned at the end of my last post has been moved to the 20th of May I apologise for that it was a last minute change but it is still at the same place. Okay a big thing for me lately has been a very large lack of sleep as every time I go to sleep my brain decides " I know it's time to work" and keeps me up as it refuses to turn fucking off. Me and my brain will soon be having a very serious conversation so do not worry. Just don't trust me with any heavy machinery for a while not that I'm too tired it's just lately I have been thinking how funny it would to drive a bulldozer through my sisters bedroom wall while she's sleeping. That's what she sodding gets for waking me up on one of the few good nights sleep I have had in 3 months by loudly vomiting into the fucking toilet. Not only did I lose sleep but the sound of vomiting isn't the nicest noise to wake bloody up to. Oh one other thing I'm trying to encourage people to comment on my posts so I get an idea of what everyone thinks and get idea's for what else to talk about. So comment you lazy shits.<br />
Now for the first time ever I am actually doing the main part of my post about something to do with stand up comedy. Well sort of at least it's a book about it. The other day I bought a book called "Stand Up Put Downs" which is compered by Rufus Hound off amazon. To anyone who after reading this would like to get it the link to the amazon page is on the right underneath Comedy sites and stuff I think. Well I was on amazon looking for some stand up DVD when I came across the book. It was only £2.50 if you did free delivery so I thought "That's a price of a pint.....a book or a pint...fuck it my liver will thank me" so I got it. All I shall it was bloody worth that pint it's a very funny little book. It's not a big book at all but it being so cheap it's not bad. It basically has a massive collection of put downs used by comedians and some of their experiences of hecklers. All I shall say is it's bloody funny I wish I had seen some of the put downs mentioned in the book they range from the very simple like one from Brendan Dodds which I know the comedy society will like "Sorry I don't speak orc". To ones you must think how the fuck did they get away with saying that without getting punched. I was worried about my joke about drop kicking kittens annoying people but if these put downs are anything to go by I'm fucking fine. To any comedians trying to think up put downs this book is rather handy it has helped with my put downs. Though I have it much easier than most stand ups being a welsh guy in England I can kind of guess what sort of heckles I'm going to get. Yay for stereotypical, slightly racist jokes about me doing the dirty with a bloody sheep......yes I'm so fucking lucky aren't I.<br />
The book also has bits with stories from comedians when they were heckled. They vary from the light just general shouting to people put a pint of piss over them. I will admit to newbie's the stories aren't the best for a confidence boost but it at least lets you laugh at the bad luck of others in sheer hope it won't fucking happen to you. Well that's what I hoped as I'm really not a fan of being covered in piss evidence by the fact I don't like going to Birmingham. To the people of Birmingham sorry but the last time I went through there on a train I at one point suddenly smelt something that smelt like a child had unleashed everything in it's bowels at once into their trousers.....Then the doors shut and it turned out the kid happened shit itself it was just the smell coming in the door. Well it's a good little book and I recommend it to any stand ups and also to anyone who is a fan of stand up comedy in general.<br />
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The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-64690780586787980822011-12-29T06:24:00.000-08:002011-12-29T07:11:33.678-08:00The Human Jester takes a shit with SherlockOkay first things first yes I have changed the name of this blog for a few reasons. First I like calling myself the Human Jester it's a nice boost to the ego, secondly I think everyone can easily guess I'm welsh so that's not needed in the title and finally I don't really drink like I used to that bit was pointless.The new title is much better and gives people a much better idea that my posts are basically just pointless updates of my life with me bitching about them and small bits to do with stand up. And I question why no one reads this damn thing.Oh and once again a spoiler alert for the New Sherlock Holmes film to you if you haven't watched it.<br />
Okay first Top Gear last night. It wasn't bad though it felt very scripted to me compared to the old ones. Fuck the planned stuff I wanted to see one of their cars fail amusingly. Actually that's it they all bought cars which were too good. All were not way near dying when they got them compared to the usual. All the damages and breaking downs were self inflicted. And to be honest that's really it I have on the episode other than the fact I nearly cried when Hammonds mini got trashed I wanted that damn car. To be honest the thing that got me the most excited was discovering there was a new episode of Sherlock on new years day, I shouted so loud my dog nearly shat itself which as he's rather old isn't that difficult to do to be honest.<br />
But I'm really bloody excited about it. I am a big fan of Sherlock Holmes stuff evidence by the fact I saw the new movie the other day. It was good and Robert Downey Jr once again did a amazing at playing a eccentric, overly arrogant genius which isn't surprising as he's getting a fair bit of practise at it. Not that I'm complaining he's amazing in Iron Man just think he's one lucky bastard to get 2 big movies with 2 characters which have a fair few similarities. He had effectively set himself for life by playing the part of someone who could be technically classed as insane. But with the film in general it was good but not as good as the first one. I found Moriarty's random appearances annoying ,surly in all the times he was seen out and about someone could have just shot him would have saved a fair few people a lot of hassle. Plus I found the movie a bit to flashy for my liking explosions everywhere it's making Sherlock look like a drunk addled version of James bond. There's wasn't as much genius absurd noticing of tiny details no one other than a film character would ever be able to notice as the first film I found. It was rather funny though and in Fairness to Robert he did an amazing job of playing someone in drag a skill which I see is not well noticed these days. Also Stephan Fry amused me for the simple fact he didn't act just played himself. I would like to point out I nearly put "with" at a certain point in that last sentence which would have really changed the tone of this blog from insulting to something near gay porn, a lesson to myself to always read what I type. Another thing that pissed me off was how quickly they killed off Adler I was looking forward to some funny scenes between her and Sherlock and BOOM she's bent over on the floor and not for the reasons a large portion of the male audience would hope for. Lets see what else also I know none of this is in any order but I don't give a rats ass. Oh one final thing my favourite part of the whole film had to be the last scene with Sherlock wearing his wing back chair camo suit. Not only did I wish I had that suit but it amused the hell out of me for the simple fact I really wasn't expecting it. But it is a really good film I recommend it to everyone it's a funny, smart film about a drug addled person suffering from serious mental problems and arrogance issue's. That's it for my out of order rather crappy review. I'm going out tonight so hopefully tomorrow it will just be a normal rant from going out again.<br />
Also next update I have sorted a gig in Telford on the 15th of Apirl. It will be at the Crown Inn with myself, Eddie Bye, Lee Kindle and Kevin Mahon from the lincoln comedy society preforming along with other acts. Anyone nearby at the time feel free to come along it should be good.<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-45465637737537181912011-12-28T05:52:00.000-08:002011-12-28T05:52:24.546-08:00Freezing, kicking a ginger, a short guy in a mini and more gig crapFirst I am currently fucking freezing as my room has after constantly being a damn furnace has apparently come to it's version of the ice age resulting in everything becoming frozen in place as I'm too sodding cold to get out of bed. I shall be fine for a while though I have supplies of quality street ,magners and if I build up enough courage to get out of bed for a second to get the controller my xbox.<br />
Okay onto the main posts...I'm damn bored. There's sod all to do at the moment think my day today is going to be spent either reading, playing the xbox or lazing around until Top Gear is on at which point I will actually brave the coldness of the rest of the house to go watch it on TV. I've been so bored I have decided to go back to Lincoln early though it will be helpful as it's impossible to get work done at home. Though it is my own fault with my large distaste for clubs and only interesting thing I have to talk about in my life being stand up so making it the only thing I talk about doesn't really help in making my life exciting. So what I am going to do is just mention some random things from the last few days to make this some what interesting.<br />
First the Crimbo Doctor Who be warned there will be spoilers. I thought it wasn't too bad myself I loved Bill Bailey he made me laugh and the general story was pretty good. Though there were a few things that annoyed me first how it started with him getting sucked into space. How the hell did he breath I accept there would be air rushing past him and he is an alien but the air is going to be there for about 2 seconds and it's bloody space. The vacuum would have done a lot of sodding damage within those few seconds but thankfully there was a very handingly placed suit that could survive entering earth's atmosphere and repair all the damage done. All I shall say is I bet he had one of those every time he had to sodding regenerate. Now onto the thing that infuriated me.....that little ginger kid. Okay first I have nothing against gingers even though the jokes about them do generally amuse me but that little kid was damn ass annoying. I was really hoping Matt Smith would just snap at one point and drop kick him to the face. I understand they were trying to do the child like curiosity thing but fucking stupid was that kid. Hmmm I've just found out what I was following was some big as tree king thing that has led me to a tower I know I will go further into it. Or hmm another tree thing is trying to forcibly put something on me I know I will sit down and let it put it on me instead of just walking away from it as it's too slow to catch me. He must have brain damage or something. Surly they could have just had Bill Bailey play the part of the kid that would have been bloody hilarious. In the first scene with him using the telescope I can just imagine him replying "Next door there's a blonde with a cracking pair of tits". I now have a amazing image in my head of all scene's the ginger shit was in just with Bill Bailey standing there with a cigar making random comments. Otherwise it was a okay episode still doesn't beat my favourite Christmas episode of David Tennant's last Christmas episode but it was okay.<br />
Next is onto today's episode of Top Gear. I am really looking forward to it as first it's in India which is well know for being one of the craziest and dangerous places to drive and also it has Hammond driving a mini which the irony of him driving that car amuses me. Seeing as the episode hasn't air yet I can't really say much about it other than it looks pretty good. Their special cheap car trips to different countries are my favourite episodes. It's only them do you get to see a cow getting classed as road kill and 3 men taking viagra up a mountain...actually strike that I would think somewhere on the internet there is a LOT of video's of men using viagra up a mountain. Hopefully I will never come (pun intended) across one that involves just 3 men. Well that is all on that for now once I have actually watched it I will give a better opinion on it then.<br />
Now finally the last bit which I think you lot are hoping for as unlike my last 2 this post has been a damn long one. On the topic of the people contacting me for the gigs in the last post it seems it has gone well with the awesome Lincoln comedy society doing me proud of jumping on the chance for the gigs as there were multiple slots offered. Though one is during the easter hols so I'm not going to be spending much time at home during Easter (not that I'm complaining). With these 2 down I'm hoping to get some more gigs having put my name forward for gong shows in Manchester which I am waiting to hear replies from as well as a sod load of gigs back home in Wales. If everything goes well I should be having a fun few months<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-79730995820351504102011-12-27T05:31:00.000-08:002011-12-27T05:32:33.932-08:00Hungover and with a bent notebookOkay this is a post written while quiet hungover so give me a damn break. Last night wasn't amazing got quiet drunk, spent a lot, punched a friend in the face with my stand up notebook as you do, made a arse of myself then stayed up the majority of the night looking after my dog as he kept vomiting everywhere. A drunk having to look after something which is vomiting there's some bloody irony for you. Strike that more goopy and slightly orange irony if anything. I'm sure god just went ah there's a drunk person who himself isn't in the best state I know lets give him a small vomiting dog to look after that would make it fucking interesting. Well with lack of sleep added to the hangover I'm feeling like shit. Also my stand up notebook is now bent from where I hit my friend in the face with it safe to say I was more worried about the book than his face. Though there was one good and amazing thing that happened last night. I actually broke even for cash on the pub quiz machine, that I can tell you with my general knowledge is a fucking miracle. I once lost a pub quiz to a couple who were described as "special". All I shall say is thank fuck for my friends being there to answer the questions for me.<br />
Though some good news some people have actually contacted me yes me not me having to send wave apon wave of damn emails in the hope of finding one about gigs. Looks like my constant looking for gigs has paid off. After a lot of hard work of basically doing the internet versions of begging at peoples feet I've finally been contacted about some gigs. Fuck yes. Hopefully these will go well as I've been wanting to get myself on for a few more gigs. There's nothing like standing on stage and making a tit of yourself for the amusement of others.<br />
Once again this is a short post but I'm too bloody hungover to write any more so suck it<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-68082253625485399472011-12-26T05:05:00.000-08:002011-12-26T05:05:21.400-08:00Christmas was boring so back to funnyThis isn't going to be a hugely ranty post as a small warning. For a while I have been looking for stand up gigs in Wales at first it wasn't going good it was like trying pork at a Jewish wedding fucking difficult. Though out of sheer luck involving me drunkenly accidentally clicking the wrong thing I happened across a list of nearby gigs in Wales which also lead me to another list of gigs. I've emailed a sod load of people now just painful process of waiting to see if they reply. Hopefully they won't find a random welsh person emailing them creepy. But it was thanks to this that I pretty much ended up spending my Christmas drinking and searching gigs whoopdey fucking do. Well I'm just hoping the people I emailed get back to work to reply to my emails soon.<br />
I have also noticed a lot of the views on my blog have been coming from people searching pervy things on google. Bet they got a annoying surprise when they ended up on here "Come on time for a w...wait this isn't porn oh god damn it this is going to be really sodding difficult to wank over" I should have just set the background as a picture of Susan Boyle's face that would give them a bloody scare and also possibly changed their lives around. As when it reaches the point where your jacking off over Susan Boyle's face you know you really need to make some life changes. I do find it rather amusing that people searching for porn are ending up here it's like someone looking for a prostitute and ending up in the YMCA. Though saying that this isn't a really normal post is it oh well. That's it for today wasn't really planning to post today so it's staying as a short one.<br />
<br />
The Human Jester<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-69099266342025525012011-12-25T04:22:00.000-08:002011-12-26T05:51:08.197-08:00Christmas with the Human JesterFirst off if your wondering "who the fuck is the human jester" I the other night discovered Human Jester is an anagram of my name and with me trying to do stand up I thought this was bloody awesome. I also thought it was a sign from god that I should be funny so looks like you sorry lot are stuck with me.<br />
Now onto the main part Christmas, Crimbo, Xmas, Jesus's birthday whatever you call it. All I shall say is this year it doesn't feel like it at all to be honest it just feels like a normal day. Though just with my annoying sister shouting at me at 9am to wake up and me having a lot more chocolate, booze and cash. I think it might have been because one my christmas present was my train ticket home so basically my present is my fucking self just in Wales. I've seen myself and I'm really I'm really not a good present my special action is lifting a pint and my catch phrases ll involve the word fuck to some extent. The only way I'm better than half the presents kids these days is I come with functioning genitalia rather than a round piece of plastic and let me tell you I know how to damn use those genitalia. I've had a fair few years of practise to know how to use them correctly.<br />
Okay now walking away from the mild creepiness that was the last few sentences I have never really much to look forward to on Christmas. All my family just give me booze (and people wonder why I used to call myself a alcoholic) so other that getting wasted there is never much for me to do. The main thing I look forward to on Christmas is Top Gear and Doctor Who that's how sad I am. Fuck seeing the happy faces of people opening presents and being kind to each other I want to see 3 men take the piss out of each others with the occasional mention of cars and a man fighting off people in dodgy costumes. Saying that if anyone wants to get me a present get me something that can make my voice sound like a darlek I could have so much fun with that. Being able to talk like a darlek can make even the simplest things funny, I have a beautiful image in my head of how funny it would be hearing a darlek order a mc donalds....though it would be even better if it went through the drive through. Though to be honest I don't really care about presents I like just seeing everyone but this year none of my family has put up decorations or anything so it feels just like a normal just wish everyone a bit drunker.<br />
Well simply I find Christmas kind of boring that's why I shall be spending it drinking doing a Welsh stand up gig hunt and possibly writing material. Full of Christmas spirit aren't I. One final thing do those very few people who read this. First follow me you lazy shits if not on here on twitter <span style="color: red;">(<a href="http://twitter.com/#!/JamesHunter41">my twitter</a>)</span> and secondly I am debating having my stage intro for gigs be something like "The Human Jester James Hunter" leave a comment with your opinion. Also if there's anything you want me to talk about leave it in the comment section as well. Okay so that's is for today Merry Christmas and also Happy Birthday Jesus<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7743503848283843074.post-10856991243525274782011-12-24T04:18:00.000-08:002011-12-26T06:01:04.322-08:00Black Friday...I survived itOkay I have no idea why I went out on Black Friday as it's busy as fuck but I was bored and if I didn't my brain would have been melted into mush by constant Skyrim. To those who don't know what Black Friday is it's some day off thing to do with the mines I don't know google it you lazy sods.<br />
Well the night started with first having a bouncer having a go at me because apparently the bottle opener on my keys was a weapon I could stab someone with. How the fuck would that work the things sodding blunt the most damage it could do is some mild bruising which would most likely be followed by me getting punched in the face by the person I so evilly bruised. Secondly I had my mario wallet out ,I was wearing a t-shirt with the cookie monster on it and I'm rather small. I'm clearly the type that likes to start fights threatening people with the dangerous weapon of a bottle opener unlike the pissed, angry,steroid using people he was letting in fine enough.<br />
He let me in though and so after letting the vomiting person being carried out the bar at 8pm past I went to get a drink. After that it was fine for a while. But a fair bit later in the night me and a friend where at the bar when we suddenly noticed the man to our right had his trousers round his ankles and was taking a piss by the bar. What should give you an idea of what the night was like is that everyone acted like this was completely normal which to be honest it is. I am kind of annoyed with myself that I didn't make a joke about it at the time but in my defence I had had a bad experience earlier in the night. All I shall say the 14 guys waiting for the toilet in the mens toilet really didn't appreciate me opening the door and making a rather loud gay joke. Safe to say that I didn't use that toilet for a while didn't think I could fight them all off with my bottle opener.<br />
Though I will admit the night wasn't as bad as it seemed just a bit busy for my liking. Though I can't complain about that as it gave me loads of new material idea's which I have already started working on. Hopefully next time I go out it won't be so busy and I won't have a retarded bouncer think the bottle opener on my keys is a weapon<div class="blogger-post-footer"><su:badge layout="5" location="http://alcoholicwelshman.blogspot.co.uk/"></su:badge></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11472978544412155638noreply@blogger.com0