Warning: what you are about to read will make little sense

Warning: what you are about to read will make little sense

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Wimbledon: Lots of people playing with balls.

I guess I have to make a post about it seeing as everyone seems to be talking about. Wimbledon must be the most pointless sporting event in creation. For one we never win, evidence of the fact our best male tennis player is Scottish. There's so much irony in that Kerry Katonna would stop shop lifting from Iceland and just straight out laugh. Though I swear they just used her to power Iceland, put her on a bike ,tape a stick to her head with a chocolate log on the end of it, and she could power half of Manchester for hours.

One of things I find annoying though is the fact you can't cheer or anything ,just clap. Come on this is Britain our normal way of cheering is normally a offensive chant at the opposite team, if anything we should consider clapping as the Nick Clegg of cheering. It fills the purpose but is kind of pointless. It is for this reason one of my goals in life is to streak at Wimbledon. I'll give those strawberry eating, pims drinking bastards some fuzzy balls to look at though hopefully they won't end up being played with by Rafael Nadal and Andy Murray like the standard ones. Though I am a bit worried about the wall down the court it's a large drop and I don't want to be carried out on a stretcher before I have even had a chance to get to the good bit, I would be like your standard football player. I could try and just land on one of the players but I don't think some of the players would like taking a pair of welsh balls to the face, though if they did I could do something a whole lot better in the middle of the court. Though please note I am talking about the female players if Andy Murray gave a good reaction to being hit in the face with a nude Welshman I would be running even quicker as all I can see is it getting weird and his racket going somewhere it shouldn't.

 And finally onto the noise's. Why is it every time a female tennis player hits the ball they make a noise that makes every man wish he could get his partner to make. Seriously it sounds like a strangely synchronised porn film. If their getting that excited over hitting a green ball then Shrek should be getting a lot of action. Thinking about it porn and tennis aren't much different. Both involves people playing with balls, women screaming, men grunting and people watching them. It would be epic cover for a kid if his parents heard him watching porn, though it would be a bizarre if you walked in on someone half naked while they had the tennis on.

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