Warning: what you are about to read will make little sense

Warning: what you are about to read will make little sense

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

AH GOD A ZOMBIE no wait I think it may just be Amy Winehouse

I have always wondered what it would be like if there was a zombie invasion. Though if the films are anything to go by even Peter Kay could out run them. I swear I have done more damage to the world with my cooking than the zombie's could in some films with the speed they run. Mind you I think my cooking could put your standard chemical bomb to shame. My last attempt at making soup looked like either Hobo's vomit or Ann Robinson's head. Lumpy, red and not something you would ever want to touch.
                 Though one thing I have always wondered with Zombie movies is why they use fire and flamethrowers. Seriously a flaming zombie is going to be worse than a normal one. It's like being offered a punch in the face and asking to watch a episode of Sex in the City. At least with with the first choice there's less chance of your brain being destroyed.
                But with all the films and having watched Zombieland today I have some rules if there is a zombie invasions. These are:

1. Find a Blonde- according to every movie I have seen the blonde bimbo gets killed first so if you have one with you at least you know you have some time before your eaten. Though if there are any blonde's reading this I shall say this.....I appreciate your sacrifice.

2.Find the big bad-ass who looks like he would eat puppies for breakfast- yes he will shout at you a lot and be slightly insane but at least he will keep you alive for a bit.

3.(from Zombieland)Beware Toilets- for once a film got something right. If you go to the toilet alone you will be eaten and it will hurt more than a reach around off a lion.

4. Yes there is something behind that door- for the love of god if there is a creepy door/corridor or thing don't walk in there asking if somewhere is there. Yes a zombie is there and yes it will happily eat your inards as you think about how stupid you have been.

5. Blow their brains out- if it's one of those bite= infected invasions if someone is bitten kill them. Don't sit round crying saying they will be fine otherwise they will come back to haunt you quicker than my eating my cooking will. Zombie or eating my cooking either way you will have your guts ripped to pieces by something by something that looks like it has been hit by a car at some point.

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