Warning: what you are about to read will make little sense

Warning: what you are about to read will make little sense

Friday, 24 February 2012

The Leeds Adventure: A Wild Heckler has appeared!

On Monday of this week I went the furthest north I have ever been. Battling the treacherous lands of the M62 while suffering from the deadly condition of shit leg room thanks to having to sit behind some tall fucker I ended up in Leeds. I was there for a comedy gong show. For those who don't know what that is it's basically a comedy night where the acts preform while the audience have 3 red cards (or in my case 4) and if the audience raise 3 cards your sent off with the hit of a gong. This is usually okay but add a audience made of 40% very drunk and rough rugby lads, 40% slags who hated anything weird, dark or anything making a tiny mention of women (who had 2 of the cards I would like to point out) and then finally the last 20% were the other acts and people who actually liked comedy. I was one from the end and buy the time I was up the slags and rugby lads just wanted the night over. So add in the fact I went on wearing a sonic the hedgehog t-shirt and pokemon badges (yes I am that stylish) while knowing none of material was going to work on the crowd as seeing the transgender act had got carded off for mentioning fisting and my first joke involved fisting. So before I tell you my merry tail of getting heckled and returning the punishment with mild furry I have one question.

If a audience member gets offended in a stand up gig is it the comedians fault of theirs?

Any way well having seeing how drunk the crowd was and knowing all my material was really going to do was offend the crowd I went on for myself, I went on to just have fun, shits and giggles. I will say this about the gig...it was probably the most fun gig I have done so far. Firstly knowing I was going to fail no matter what I did kind of put me a "Ah fuck it" mood which for me is a state of mind that only appears usually during doing uni work, doing something boring or most sexual situations. But I went on and got red carded very quickly seeing as my first joke as mentioned earlier involved fisting which apparently is a bit of a sore subject in Leeds. Whether I meant that in the physical sense or metaphorical sense I will leave that to you. But it was clear this audience didn't like fisting so I went with it. Nothing else I had was going to work so I thought fuck it. Thankfully they had a 2 minute grace time so even if they red carded me for 2 minutes they couldn't do anything no matter how many times to fuckers red carded me which they shouldn't have been doing. I actually made a point of this which leaded to me telling them to fuck off multiple times which they strangely liked I found amusing.
             Then the guy who clearly didn't even wanted to be there piped up with "Your Shit" so I simply did the gentlemanly thing of calling him a cunt. 3 instant red cards but I was still in the 2 minutes and they were laughing as they put the cards up that's what the audience was like. Then the 2 minutes was up but at this point I had won them slightly back going into a rant well until I mentioned Cougars and then I got voted off. But I promise you this I went off in a blaze of glory calling that guy a cunt and getting red carded for it by the slags in the process. This slightly annoyed me as I swear a lot for the simple reason swears are words how their said can change their context so the word can be used in a non-offensive way. If I say "Fucking Hell" it doesn't mean I'm going to battle my way to the pits just to anally rape the devil himself now does, no it bloody doesn't as if it did by now I think I would have had a call off child line accusing me of many rape charges. Yes I did just imply the devil is a child, Why? I don't have a fucking clue. Their just words people have made offensive form how they use it. If I called a girl a cow it would be offensive yet I question if I put the same girl in front of the farm yard bovine animal of the British cow I highly doubt she would get offended by it.
            This brings me to my main point. I had fun offending these people as they were so easy to offend. I didn't go that far compared to most comedians yet I got that reaction. I got red carded for them on not seeing the context of my jokes, yes I mentioned fisting but it wasn't in a dark or nasty way. They knew that in comedy people say things that can offend them yet they came to a comedy night. So all I shall say is yes a comedian can go too far in being offensive but if you turn up to a comedy night and your the type of person who gets easily offend well I think I have something you may need to know. You are rather bloody stupid comedy can be offensive so I think it is safe to say you may actually have the same level of brain function as the creature my sandwich used to be, a fucking cow.

Well that is all for my first completely comedy based post even though it gets rather angry near the end. I've got a few gigs coming up soon so I will make some posts about them if their wanted. Remember to follow my blog, like on stumbler and everything else. Also comment below on how you would answer the question earlier in the post.

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